This post by Annie McKee hit so close to home that as soon as I read it I knew I had to blog about it. It combines everything I’ve been thinking about the past three months – what exactly does work/life balance mean? How can I be successful at work, home, in school, and with my loved ones without getting stressed out? I love my job – but why do I still seem to love my life outside of the office more?

My main takeaway from her piece is that there is no such thing as a work/life balance, and those of us who have been spending time working to achieve it are simply spinning our wheels. Life is always going to be (and should be) more important than work. Our friends and family will always be more important than the work we are doing. Instead, we should focus on balancing ourselves. That includes mindfulness, a practice I’ve recently learned and have been incorporating into my life. I love this quote from her piece:

You can start by cultivating practices that allow you to re-engage with yourself, focus optimistically on the future and connect compassionately with other people. You can start with mindfulness — tuning in to yourself, your environment and others.

As she also mentions, mindfulness does not necessarily mean taking time out of your already busy day to meditate, do yoga, or the like. In fact, I don’t take any time out of my day when I practice mindfulness. Instead, I am working to incorporate it into what I’m already doing. When I’m driving, when I’m waiting for the crosswalk light to change, when I’m waiting for my takeout to be ready… I practice mindfulness. And that practice encourages me to remember to do it when I really do need it – preparing for a meeting at work, being called to speak in class, or doing something new. Instead of getting anxious, I work to live in the present and appreciate the moment.

Of course, I have not achieved perfect self-balance yet. But I’m working on it. And I highly encourage you to read the Annie McKee’s post and think about balance in your life. I want to leave you with one last quote.

Like mindfulness, hope is a powerful antidote to stress. A vision of a better future, optimism and the belief we can make it happen helps to calm our nervous system. Think about your dreams. Help someone else achieve theirs. Pick up trash on the way to work. Talk to a child about what he or she wants to be. Actions like these, done mindfully and often will make a difference.

-N.C.

I’ve written before about the fact that I’m an introvert. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – I just have a different style of communicating. But, there are moments where I need to forget about that and be – well – more outgoing.

I’m a big fan of the fake it til you make it mentality. I believe that you have power in your thoughts, and when your actions follow, your mind and heart are next. So – here are a few tips I have to take that inner ham and put it in the spotlight.

• Ask lots of questions. I love this one. It’s especially easy because I’m genuinely interested in hearing about other peoples’ lives. And, the focus isn’t completely on me, but I’m keeping the conversation flowing and I’m not coming off as a wallflower. My first instinct is to go to shared interests. If you’re passionate about writing, and the other person is passionate about writing, start there. Your excitement will come through naturally and everyone will be happier.
• Follow up with your response. It’s not enough to have a one sided conversation. Even if the other person doesn’t ask you back, there’s no problem to share both your thoughts about what the other person is saying and your own answer. Your thoughts will demonstrate that you’re listening and your own response will make sure you come across as open. Because unfortunately for us introverts, coming off as open is not always natural.
• Don’t be afraid to be silly! Humor always helps a situation. Say what everyone else is thinking but isn’t saying. Be witty. If no one laughs, who cares? They’ll forget about it in one minute (or less) anyway. Keep putting yourself out there with these comments and the more you do it, the easier it will be to be outspoken in general.

I know, I know, easier said than done. And to be honest with you, part of the reason I wrote this post is because I will be in a situation this weekend where I’ll need to channel my inner extrovert. But like I said, thoughts can guide actions which will then guide your mind and heart. And really, I can’t remember the last time I regretted something I said, but I regret something I didn’t say all the time. That needs to change.

-N.C.

We all have moments in the office that are full of drama. The boss told your colleague this and she did that and so on and so forth. This happens in the nonprofit sector just as much as in for profit companies. Just because we’re here for a reason bigger than ourselves doesn’t mean everything’s fine and dandy all the time – in fact, it’s often even more tense, because we’re all so passionate about our work.

Drama can be especially hurtful when the one getting the brunt of it is someone you’re friends with. It’s only natural to want to take sides… but I’m here to advise you not to. It’s so important to stay neutral. For your own personal sanity and for everyone’s benefit.

Here are a few tips to keep your cool in the midst of drama.

• Be sympathetic. Notice I didn’t say be empathetic. Of course, it’s your friend, so listen, nod, and keep listening. Be a shoulder to cry on. Write a card of encouragement. But don’t cross that line to try to be in her shoes. You aren’t the one involved, and you shouldn’t try to be. Trust me, it won’t help anyone.
  
• See all sides. Yes, because the person you’re friends with is going to vent to you, you’re most likely going to hear about one side much more than the other. And the way she slants everything probably means you’re going to justify her actions. But whatever your friend says, remember there’s always another side to the coin. You don’t know the other person’s point of view. So remember not to jump to any conclusions.
• Separate yourself from the drama. No matter what happens between your colleagues, you still have a job to do. And maybe you’re going for a promotion or in it for the long haul. Don’t let the drama impact your view on your job. Be aware that it’s happening, but don’t let it change your mind about anything. You’re your own person with your own job to do.

You are in control of yourself. Your perception and attitude shape your future. Don’t let the drama get you down! Be supportive but neutral, and you’ll stay drama free.

-N.C.

I know, I know. You’re looking at that title like, wow. Really? Did she just go there? Isn’t that a little much? My boss would never think that of me or anyone else. Come on now, that’s a little dramatic.

Well, I’m here to tell you something. It’s possible. How do I know? My boss told me that on Monday.

I’m not lying. Those words left his mouth. But first he said with a smile, “don’t tell your direct supervisor” (he is her boss, and he hired her as well!). And – let me clarify exactly what he said.

“I’ve never hired anyone who has worked out as well as you are.”

It’s important to note that I have worked out well. I’m not just amazing – I have grown into amazing. And you can, too.

Here are some tips to grow into the best hire your boss (or even your boss’ boss) ever made.

• Take the initiative. Deja vu. I’ve blogged about this topic before (see: How To Take the Initiative). But there’s a reason I keep coming back to it. Don’t just show up and do the minimum asked. Go above and beyond what’s expected. No, I don’t want you to start doing other people’s jobs… I want you to take your job and expand it. Did your boss ask for a certain report from the donor database? Provide it, but also explain what she’s looking at and make suggestions for how it could be better. Put yourself in your supervisor’s shoes, and provide her with what she wants, which is not necessarily what she’s asking for (quite frankly it’s usually not). You’re the expert on what you’re doing – so go for it!
• Be professional but compassionate. The smallest details – responding cordially to a donor, ensuring thank you letters go out promptly – get me the biggest praise. It sounds so basic, but check your voicemail when you have a new message, respond to emails the same day you receive them, and always treat donors with the utmost respect (even when they personally might get under your skin). The smallest details mean so much.
• Manage. Not just people. Manage your work load, your projects, and your life! Always be aware of what’s a priority for your boss, and more importantly, what’s not. I can’t tell you how long my list of “when I get to it” tasks is. Often your boss will unload a list of projects that would be nice to have done, but if you were to actually work on them, you’d better have all those thank you letters done. Be aware of your boss’ priorities and your own. The other part to this is to manage your life! You think my boss told me that because I’m here until 6:30 every night? Nope. I leave promptly after I’ve put in my eight hours. My good work/life balance helps me focus on work when I’m there – I’m not emotionally drained after putting in long hours every day.

So, for all you skeptics out there – you can do it! You can be the best hire your boss ever made. Or, at the very least, you can channel some amazing qualities which will get you that second look and who knows, maybe even a promotion.

-N.C.

Now, we all know that I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector for years and don’t plan to leave anytime soon (I’m even getting my Masters in Nonprofit Administration from USF)! But as much as I love the work I do, I’ve recently come to a realization…

My nonprofit is making me crazy!

The vast majority of people working in nonprofits are selfless, caring, passionate people. And when I say passionate, I mean passionate. We’re committed to the cause – mostly underpaid, working long hours, caring wholeheartedly about the work we do.

But when it comes to the day to day work we do… this passion can go overboard. Because we care so much, we believe so strongly in the work we’re doing, we fight for our opinions, programs, and priorities. They mean something to us. They matter.

Well, shoot. If you get too many people like that in a room… they’re bound to make anyone go a little crazy.

The next time you’re in your office, take a second to look around. There’s probably someone making copies, someone frantically getting ready for a committee meeting, someone on the phone with a potential volunteer. And I’d guess the hustle and bustle doesn’t exactly slow down at any point.

So, here’s the thing: this type of constant, passionate work is great in small doses, but in the long term, it’ll make you burn out. And that’s not OK unless you’re inching toward retirement. (Even then it’s not really OK!)

So, what to do? I’m not advising you to up and quit. Not telling you to go find a mindless administrative job that you don’t care about. Instead – accept that your nonprofit is making you crazy. Embrace the fact that everyone cares in excess about their work. The next time you’re in a meeting with someone who seems to be going on about her program, remember that she really believes in this project.

Be understanding, but also realize that it doesn’t have to be this way. The next time your colleagues are gearing up to stay in the office until 6:30, politely leave at 5:00. When noon rolls around, take 20 minutes for a break in the lunchroom. At your desk, remember to breathe and live peacefully. After a little bit of this, you’ll realize you’ve done something:

You’ve taken back the crazy.

-N.C.

The Chronicle of Philanthropy recently published a list of 10 nonprofits to watch in 2012. While they are all great groups that I encourage you to read about, I want to call special attention to number 10 – Young Nonprofit Professionals Network (YNPN). If you’ve never heard of YNPN and you’re involved the nonprofit sector, you need to look them up (You can find their national information here and if you’re in the bay area, the local chapter’s website is here). YNPN provides training, resources, networking, and more. It’s traditionally been completely volunteer run and it’s free to be on their incredibly helpful listserv which has a plethora of job openings, local events, and advice. Whenever people tell me they’re interested in finding a job in the sector, that’s the first place I point them to.

As the article notes, YNPN has hired its first full-time employee in its fifteen year life. This is huge. Going from an all volunteer run agency to hiring staff is one of the biggest jumps a nonprofit can take. It’s truly a testament to the need for the work the group is doing – there really is a ton of possibility for the group – for advocacy, to enhance educational opportunities, to expand other resources… and the list goes on and on.

This is an exciting moment for us Millenials. The value of our voice in the nonprofit sector is continuing to increase and it’s gotten so big that we’re moving forward in a big way. The article eludes to her next steps, and I’m very excited to see where she and the agency go. Because the sky’s the limit when it comes to the young voice in the nonprofit sector.

-N.C.

Happy 2012! I hope you had a nice holiday celebrating with loved ones and spent the end of the year reflecting on what went well the past year and what you’re looking forward to in this one.

As opposed to making a New Year’s Resolution this year (as I did last year with stopping our TV service – which was a great decision, I might add!), I decided to adopt a 2012 mantra. My theme for 2012 is hereby:

Living Peacefully.

2011, while wonderful, was a stressful year for me. It was full of change, new beginnings, and the unknown… and consequently, I got stressed out. Not just annoyed once in a while… really stressed. I felt anxious much of the time. I was unhappy often. It was a difficult adjustment.

Now that it’s been a few months since all the big changes, I’ve gotten a handle on that anxiety. I’ve been proactive about making adjustments to my life and the way I approach stress. For 2012, I want to continue on that path in a big way.

To me, living peacefully means always approaching my life in a calm, balanced way. It means living in line with my values. It means living my life the way I want to, doing the best I can, and knowing that’s perfect.

Whenever I find myself getting worried or stressed, I think about one way I’m living peacefully, or, if I’m not, a way I could in that moment. And then I tweet it. I find telling others about how I’m living out my mantra helps me actually embody the saying. So, the next time you see me tweet how I’m living peacefully, I encourage you to think about if you’re living your life the same way, and retweeting if you agree. Because we could all use a little more peace in our lives.

- N.C.

This is the final challenge for the 31 Day Reset! It’s a very bittersweet feeling. It has been amazing dedicating so much time and energy to these challenges… it has helped me focus my vision for my ideal life and understand how I can get there. But most of all, it’s helped me see that how I live my life each day makes a big difference. My attitude, approach, and mentality are what frame my future. I am in control of my destiny – and that feels good.

The last activity was to create a vision board, a collage of images and phrases that will help reemphasize the work I’ve done in this program. I wrote out my top ten values, parts of my personal mission statement, and my personal mantra to add to the collage of images I found from magazines. I mostly chose images that were soothing and encouraging statements about being stress-free… because through this journey I have learned I want to focus on living a more peaceful and zen life.

Here’s my board, now hanging in my bedroom:

Thank you for reading along through my reset. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and it has prompted you to think about your life in a new way!

-N.C.

I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program at Happy Black Woman. The program is designed to help you evaluate your goals and priorities and think of them in the context of your life today and how you might be able to refocus on what’s important. Read on to learn about my experience with the challenge!

Yes, it’s as it reads: Rosetta has asked us to write our eulogy. Not as though we died tomorrow – as if we died at 77, leading a full life. She’s asked us to write what we’d like our eulogy to sound like.

I keep going back to my personal mission statement for these challenges. I have the feeling this statement is going to make a big difference in my life.

Here’s my eulogy! Sorry it’s on the long side!

Chapin was born in the bay area and grew up in Palo Alto, California. She moved to San Diego to attend UC San Diego, graduating with two B.A.s in Literature/Writing and Sociology. Chapin was one of the founding students of the Alternative Breaks @ UCSD program. The program is an opportunity for UCSD students to travel nationally or internationally to do volunteer work and cultural immersion on their spring or summer break.  The program grew exponentially in its early years, from one trip, to two, to five, to ten, and there are currently more than ten trips that go out each year. Hundreds of students go through the program each year. Her involvement in this program and others at UCSD led to her receiving the Alexis Montevirgin Award for Outstanding Leadership and Service, an accolade she held very close to her heart.

After spending nine years in San Diego, Chapin moved back to the bay area. She received her Masters in Nonprofit Administration at University of San Francisco. She worked in the nonprofit sector in various capacities, as a development staff member at many agencies and even a CEO. After working for nonprofit organizations for years, Chapin put her experience to use in her consulting business, where she provided services for nonprofits and those who work at them. Chapin is survived by a large family, including her husband, children, and grandchildren. Chapin’s passion for empowering others, helping those less fortunate, and always encouraging others will be sorely missed. She was very open-minded, empathetic, and kind. She was a role model by acting with integrity, being compassionate and generous, and showing quiet conviction. Chapin has left a lasting legacy the way she wanted to – through her work with people.

-N.C.

I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program at Happy Black Woman. The program is designed to help you evaluate your goals and priorities and think of them in the context of your life today and how you might be able to refocus on what’s important. Read on to learn about my experience with the challenge!

The Day 29 exercise is to start a side hustle. A side hustle is exactly what it sounds like – a second job, a consulting gig, anything you can do outside of your 9 to 5 job to generate revenue, and something that should make you happy! This often turns into something full time, too – which really is a win/win.

I have a few ideas for a good side hustle, but Rosetta’s video about finding your sweet spot for your side hustle helped me hone my ideas. She encouraged us to think about our passions, what we’re good at/have an expertise in, and a possible target market. Then, look at your lists and see what could go together.

General themes of mine are personal and professional development and empowering others, and I think I’d like to focus on the Millenial target market. I’ve actually been brainstorming new ideas for my tag line, etc for my 1 year birthday for my blog (coming in March!) that include that. But another side hustle idea came to me out of left field, and probably is the one there’s the biggest demand for and could possibly generate the most revenue. I’d like to create something to connect with other young people who have my medical condition. Whether that means speaking for national associations, blogging, and even counseling services and groups, I see a big opportunity here – there aren’t really many resources for people my age, and it’s most commonly diagnosed in women between 20 and 30. Where is everyone?

Anyway, I’m glad I thought of this new idea. I’m definitely going to let it stew a little longer. It’s not like I have tons of time to start something up right now anyway, with both work and school… but it’s something that I could definitely work on soon… I hope! Hmm…

-N.C.